Iceberglandia

I guess the natural answer to that question would be, “who cares?”. But since you clicked on the link, I suppose you do.

I’m just a guy who likes to say “fuck” a lot, pretty much keeps to himself and finds humans in general hilarious. And pathetic, but since I’d rather laugh than feel sorry for people, I find great enjoyment in mocking all kinds of behaviours. Yes, including my own.

Because I tend to express myself quite liberally about anything, but mostly the negative experiences I’ve had, people see me as a pessimist. I, however, tend to see myself as quite the opposite. Sure, I whine a lot, but at the end of the day I still have hope.

I was born many moons ago in a place called Mexico City (hey, you can choose many things in life, but your birthplace is not one of them – I hate that place) and lived there for 7 years. After that, my family relocated to Oakville, Ontario, where we spent nearly 4 years (which became the favorite period in my life, and an obsession with returning to Canada). We moved back to Mexico and lived all over the place: the mountains near the Pacific Coast, an hour away from Arizona; a brief return to Mexico City (during which I experienced first-hand the 1985 earthquake, and a couple of games of the 1986 FIFA World Cup in the monumental Aztec Stadium); the city of Puebla, and finally a long (much too long, if you ask me) stint in Ciudad Victoria, a mere 3 hours from the Texas border, and the Gulf Coast. Finally, in 2005 my life-long dream to return to Canada became a reality. The only problem is that what I remembered as a kid, and life as an adult, are two completely different things.  Not that I’m complaining, I love it here. It’s just that, well, it’s more of a “make a living, make ends meet” thing, than a “let’s play street hockey after school” one.

I have vowed to myself never to do drugs, at least what is known as “illegal drugs”. I owe it to myself to be better than that (not that I’m judging anyone who chooses to use them). My only two drugs are cigarrettes and alcohol, both of which I’m the first to admit to being too liberal with. As far as quitting, I’m sure I could quit drinking. Smoking, that would become a problem. I’m addicted, and maybe it’s the first reason I have to stay away from other drugs. Being addicted to something is a problem, and I’m the first to admit it. But what it all comes down to, is that I haven’ thought about quitting, simply because I enjoy smoking, and I enjoy drinking. Why quit something you enjoy? Yes, the health benefits… in my personal way of thinking, “Die Happy” sounds better than “Die Later”. I appreciate the concern of those who tell me to quit, I really do. I just don’t want to.

I have a 6-year old daughter (as of may 2007) who is the reason I breathe, but due to unforseen circumstances (mainly my ex being a bitch) I hardly evr get to see her, or talk to her. What nobody seems to understand is that more than the cigarettes, more than the drinking, my daughter’s absence is what is sucking away my existence.

I have an obsession with giving 200% of my effort into everything I do. First, because as they say, “anything worth doing is worth doing well”. Second, as a dedication to my mother and my daughter, I do my best. Third, well… a touchy subject, albeit a real one. I have some health concerns in which the possibility of my passing is always looming. I’ll leave it at that. But, the subject of my dying is always on my mind, and if anything, I want people to remember me as someone who always did his best. I don’t want them to just say that at my funeral, I want them to know it was the fucking truth.
Hey, some people obsess over UFOs, some people obsess over pornography… I could have done worse!

I am not a religious person, and whatever faith I have I care not to discuss. But I love discussing religion from what others believe to be an atheistic, agnostic or even blasphemous point of view. And it’s not that I mean to insult, but let’s face it. Most people are blind followers of a faith. Few people ever question their beliefs, why they believe in them, and even fewer people are capable of admitting that religion is basically a mythology. It is faith that moves mountains, not some writings in a book.

Many people see me as a loser, being that my monetary wealth is not what in their appreciation should be. But I never said money was my motivation. I am not a greedy fuck who would sell out his integrity for the benefit of a fat bank account. I make enough money to live comfortably (maybe I don’t dine with kings, drive a fancy automobile or clothe myself in silk, but fuck, at least I can afford my rent, food, smokes, booze, bills… with a little left over every now and then). I am not a loser, because I have never bowed down to anyone (much less for money), and have always stood my ground. Sure, I might look like a pussy sometimes, in that I don’t fight my way out of situations… but when you see me all pussed out, this here brain is working. Those who see me as a loser, well, they’re the ones who spend their time kissing ass, so I guess it’s a matter of perspective.

Not too long ago, I had a conversation with my father, in which he asked me who my idols were. He, having seen me during the 90’s with long hair and black T-shirts, assumed my idols would be, I dunno, Kurt Cobain, or Marilyn Manson. But that question has echoed in my head since we talked that day. Who are my idols? I guess I don’t have any. Sure, I admire and can respect the work or the talent of many people (artists, athletes, world leaders, conquerers and whatnot), but I can’t consider any of them idols. I guess it’s not a matter of their accomplishments, but the motives they have/had. In the case of artists and athletes, it’s money and fame. In the case of leaders and conquerors, it’s power. So, no reason to idolize greed. I guess, if I were to have a gun against my head, and upon failing to mention someone have my brains shot, I would have to say Rosa Parks. What she did did not only take huge balls (metaphorically, of course, as a woman she possessed no actual testicles), not only was it an act of defending herself from an injustice, but it also led to a whole revolution in how we humans used to, and currently view our peers. Even though I am not black, I guess that’s the best example I could come up with. But, she’ not my idol. Oh, and in case you don’t know who Rosa Parks is, look her up on Wikipedia. I’m about to wrap this up and have no time for history lessons.

So, what else can I say about myself? How about I embarass myself by mentioning some of the things I like? Music (most music, but especially metal – the fact that I wear a Children of Bodom T-Shirt doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the musical stylings of, say, Tears For Fears, or KMFDM), TV (I’m a sucker for sitcoms – explain that!), movies, WWE (although the storylines are getting too repetitive and stupid), cooking (or more precisely, experimenting in the kitchen), being obsessed with the internet, and of course, remembering the good times with my daughter.

The Iceberg.