Nothing bends me more out of shape than when I’m going through some shitty phase in my life (which, much to my chagrin happens much too often), and I encounter some stupid optimist who offers the following bit of questionable wisdom:

“Turn that frown upside down!”

Yeah, thanks, you disgustingly cheerful nincompoop. Now all my problems are solved, and I only have you and your witty one-liner to thank!

See, when people frown, it means they have something going on which is not, well, pleasant. It might be a quick nothing like a bad day at the office, or something more serious – I bet even the most optimistic of the bunch would feel stress upon discovering some incurable medical conundrum within their own body, or that of their loved ones.

Upon hearing “turn that frown upside down”, my frown will indeed turn upside down, if only for the quick instant when I do a 360° jump in the air and come crashing down with two katana swords into both sides of your neck, effectively slicing your body into 4 pieces.

Besides, it makes no sense whatsoever to turn a frown upside down. The expression means you should smile instead, but unless you’re a total tool, turning a frown upside down only means “raise your eyebrows”, which hardly, if ever, offers an ending to the situation which originally caused said frown.

So stop being stupid and cheery and cliche-y, and instead try to offer some real help instead. If you can’t help, throw money or beer my way, not your cute little sayings.

The Iceberg