Foodstuffs #9: Fish bin Laden

It used to be that I reserved my “Foodstuffs” category to special dishes I decided to prepare every now and then. This time, it’s more like a “look what I ate today”, which sucks, I know. But take a hint from the title of this post, will ya?

For reasons I am not at liberty to discuss right now, I’ve been keeping a very low profile these days. I’m paranoid enough about leaving the house to go to work, and the moments where I walk out of my house or back here, are excruciating. Much like Osama bin Laden, I am in hiding. The city itself is a horrible place, and on top of that there are personal situations that are, well, better off avoided. Still, a guy’s gotta eat, right?

I managed to scavenge some fish and a bag of frozen vegetables from my girlfriend’s house, purchased while things were much calmer. The visions of sharing a meal including said fish were plentiful, as she is much better at cooking than I can ever aspire to be. In any case, it’s what I had, it’s what I was craving, and well, it was time to get busy.

Here’s the ingredients I used (salt and pepper not pictured, because, quite frankly who wants to take a picture of pepper?

Between the veggie bag and the sauce bottles, you can barely make out a stick of butter. I bet you’re double-checking now.

First comes “Episode One: The Cooking Of The Fish”. I melted butter and proceeded to place my carcasses into the pan.
It was at this point that I discovered that yes, melted butter and vegetable oil are excellent conductors of electricity. Or maybe it was the frozen water stuck to the fish – oh, yes, I forgot to mention, since I’m reduced to hiding, I have only an electric stove. Gone are the days when I could cook with natural gas, but here’s hoping for better days ahead. In any case, I was electrocuted by a dead fish, as if my fucking luck could be any worse (hint: it got much worse, stay tuned).

That’s just the first of two batches of fish I was able to cook. I sprinkled salt and pepper, for taste. In my girlfriend’s house sits a bag of unused fish preparation, but my life is not worth risking for a bag with a picture of a happy fish. Or the rest of my spices.

Oh, and the reason my pictures suck today? Rainy day. And I’m not about to give my presence away by using a flash.

After cooking the fish, I stepped onto “Episode Two: Crunchy For All The Wrong Reasons”. I proceeded to take my bag of frozen vegetables and cook it in butter and soy sauce. Hey, veggies are good for you, huh? It’s not that I love fucking broccoli, or worse yet, cauliflower, but things as they are, I feel I’ll take all the nutrients I can.

As much as I didn’t want to give myself away by taking pictures with flash, the idiot electric stove decided to put on its own fireworks display. Soon after the butter finally melted, it said its last goodbye with a final WHOOSH!! and a blinding flash.
I carefully unplugged it, afraid I might get shocked again, and then not-so-carefully proceeded to stomp on it until my foot hurt. TAKE THAT, ELECTRIC GRILL!