Movie Review: 2012

I finally left the house!

Yup! Today (friday), my sister, my brother in law and myself went to the movie theatre with the intention of watching 2012, a movie I had wanted to see for a long, long time. I paid my $9.99, and because the pizza pockets I ate earlier apparently weren’t enough, I got a large order of NY Fries and a large Root Beer. By the time the previews came on, I had put away all my fries. I’m such a glutton, like that.

Now, I know, and by now I expect this kind of movie to end up all cheesy, but fuck the storyline. I wanted me some special effects. I’m a huge sucker for special effects. Also, I’m a huge sucker for world destruction. So, in a way, this movie was made for me.
I guess you could say I’m quite the fan of director Roland Emmerich, not for his ability to bring out a great story, but because he pushes his SFX department to do their best (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, even 10,000 B.C.).
I was puzzled by the choice of the main character. This is supposed to be an action/disaster movie, not a romantic chick flick nor some 80’s coming-of-age movie, so when I finally saw the trailer and was met with John Cusack, I had my doubts. JOHN FUCKING CUSACK! What were they thinking? Fuck, put Keanu in there! or Keanu, Jr. (whatshisface from the Mac commercials). In any case, having seen the movie, I guess Cusack was alright. It just seemed an odd choice. No hate for the C-man.
Also, the president of the USA is portrayed by Danny Glover (who doesn’t say “I’m too old for this shit” in this movie), which reminded me of some post I saw a while back about how in every movie where there is a black president, everything ends up destroyed. Well, Mr. Obama will still be president in 2012, so we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?
And, my man Woody Harrelson plays the bit of some ham-radio yahoo. As for the rest of the cast, there’s a few “oh, I’ve seen that guy somewhere”, and a whole bunch of unknowns.

The movie, as you probably know by now, is based on the idea that the mayans predicted the world will end on December 21st, 2012. That, in itself, is a bunch of bullshit, but let’s go with it. I could give a lecture about the mayan calendar, but that’s not why we’re here.
So, a gigantic solar flare heats up the inside of the Earth, and the SFX team is working overtime. Everything is exploding, buildings are falling, huge gaping holes appear on the ground, and I’m having the time of my life! At this point, I’m thinking “I want to watch this movie EVERY DAY!”
Then, of course, the USA have come up with a plan to save humanity. Who’d you expect? Peru? And that takes up the second half of the movie. It becomes your standard USA! USA! flick where the military and government are evil, and a bunch of standard action sequences we’ve seen in many a movie before.

I’ll spare you the details, so as to not spoil the movie for you, but I have three awesome things to say about the movie.
First of all, this is a disaster movie that doesn’t take place in New York. What a relief that was!
Second, not to offend any catholics, and believe me, it’s not a spoiler, you can see it in the trailer, I loved watching catholic landmarks destroyed. First, the Cristo de Corcovado (that giant Jesus statue that watches over Rio de Janeiro), and then the Vatican (first, the Sistine Chapel, and then St. Peter’s Basilica crushing the crowd that had gathered to pray – Pope included!).
Third, on a more personal note: I might (or might not) have mentioned ’round here that one of my recurring dreams since I was a kid is of myself flying in an airplane, looking out the window and seeing the whole world destroyed. There were a few scenes like that, and they creeped me the fuck out. In a cool way.

Oh, and before I forget… this might come out as a blooper or a movie mistake down the road, but I saw it as I watched the movie. In one of the news broadcasts, they mention the 2012 London Olympics have been canceled. This is supposed to be December. The 2012 Olympics would have already taken place, in the summer. Duh!

So, all in all, was it a good movie? It depends. I’m assuming starting tomorrow the internet will launch a campaign saying it sucks (the internet also thought Napoleon Dynamite was good, so there’s your mob mentality). If you’re into special effects, world destruction, John Cusack, or are just looking to kill a good two and a half hours (!), go for it. If you’re into watching landmarks be destroyed in “creative” ways (I loved the battleship crushing the White House – also in the trailer!), go for it. If you want good acting, a beautiful plot and a gorgeous Mediterranean scenery, I’d suggest Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
In any case, as always, here’s the trailer, for however long YouTube lets me link to it:

The Iceberg.