The art of placing food between pieces of bread is said to have originated when the Earl of Sandwich instructed one of his servants to place a piece of meat between two slices of bread so he could eat with one hand, while playing cards with the other. Hence, the name.
I can’t vouch for the veracity of said anecdote, but nonetheless, sandwiches have been a part of everyday life, at the very least, since I remember. Burgers and hotdogs are variations of the sandwich, as well as mexican “tortas”. There are as many variations as there are ingredients – from the american classic peanut butter and jelly, to the british cucumber sandwich, to the ever-popular post-christmas “now what are we going to do with all this leftover turkey” sandwich.
We laughed when Dagwood made his three-foot high ones, we took them to school every day, and we say certain celebrities could use one when discusing their thinness. Sandwiches are everywhere. Hell, fast food joints like Subway and Quiznos have capitalized on our fascination.
If I may go off on a tangent, here, let me mention something. Canadians, for whatever reason, love their food bland. Among other little “stereotypes” I’ve found out about canadians (and I don’t mean saying eh! – in fact, at one point I considered creating a blog called Stuff Canadians Like), this is one of the most noticeable. And I don’t mean guys at work cowering from my habanero peppers. That could be understood. I mean, in general. Like, you go to the Indian restaurant, and order the Vindaloo, and they gasp in horror as they explain it’s very spicy. Then they bring it to you, and it’s sweet, for fuck’s sake. Or, what canadians like to call “suicide wings”, which consist of your typical wings bathed in some Frank’s Red Hot sauce, with a splash of Tabasco. Ooooh!
One of these bland Canadian food items I’ve noticed from a lot of people is what I like to describe as “the canadian sandwich”. How they handle the Italian Sub at Subway, is beyond me.
They love to spread mayo on a slice of bread, add one slice of ham, a slice of cheese, and spread mustard on the other slice. That’s it. That’s their “sandwich”. Along with poutine, and Dill Pickle chips, this is typical canadian food.
- The “Canadian Sandwich”
I’m lacking a few ingredients, but since I was too lazy to actually cook something, I settled on eating a sandwich. Hey, a meal and a blog topic, all in one. Here’s my idea of a sandwich.
First of all, sliced bread has one purpose, and one purpose only: to be served as toast. So fuck sliced bread, I’m going with a bun.
You slice it in half, hollow it out somewhat, and spread margarine on both slices. You spread spaghetti sauce on the bottom half, and mayonnaise and mustard on the top half. If I had bought Philadelphia Cream Cheese, that would’ve gone under the spaghetti sauce.
You place a couple of leaves of lettuce (I used “Iceberg” lettuce, because hey… but feel free to use romaine), and thinly diced tomato and onion. Well, I used onion “circles” for illustrative purposes. Nothing sucks more than taking a bite and pulling out a whole tomato slice. So chop the fucker up, I say.
Then, a slice of american cheese (feel free to experiment, but 24 slices: 3 dollars. A pack of gouda: 14 dollars. Fuck that.). Then, two slices of ham, two slices of salami and two slices of pepperoni. And one half of an avocado.
Then, go wild with flavorings. You could use ranch sauce, or whatever. I used this “El Yucateco” brand Kutbil-Ik habanero sauce, because it kicks ass. And a couple splashes of Grace hot pepper sauce. Salt, pepper, and italian seasoning.
Place the other half of the bun (the one with the mayo and mustard) on top, and don’t forget to press down. I can’t stress this enough. Press down on the fucker.
Microwave for 45 seconds, just so the margarine and the cheese get warm and soft. Anything over a minute, and the lettuce and tomato will burn your mouth (them being 90% liquid, and all). Proceed to enjoy.
- Even the gods would be proud. What a masterpiece!
If I’d had my way, I would have added cream cheese, olives, some stronger/saltier cheese, and perhaps bacon. In any case, I ate both the “canadian sandwich” and my creation. Guess which one tasted better.
The Iceberg.
July 6, 2009 at 8:27 am
Years ago, I was reading that “Como Agua Para Chocolate” book. Now, the thing with the book is that, much like Stephen King likes to preface chapters with song lyrics, Laura Esquivel opened each chapter with a recipe the main character supposedly knew how to cook.
I distinctly remember one for making sardine and chorizo croquettes. I shit you not.
A few months later, the idea was still fermenting in my head but I was too much of a pussy to actually try it out, so, instead, on a day I had just a bunch of leftovers in the fridge, I decided to try something similar.
Much like your sandwich, I went with a french roll instead of sliced bread. I put a knife to one side of the fucker and hollowed it out so it would serve as a sort of cocoon for the stuff I was planning to stick in it. I also spread some mustard on one side.
I cooked some chorizo until it was good and done, and mixed it with a can of tuna until they were properly incorporated. I spread some shredded chihuahua cheese inside the roll and dumped the whole mess inside it, allowing the heat from the chorizo/tuna mix melt the cheese. Finally, I spread a layer of chipotle salsa on top of everything.
I realize it sounds strange, but it’s actually pretty good. Still haven’t tried the sardine-chorizo croquettes, though.
July 6, 2009 at 2:05 pm
As I was saying before I lost my last reply, I’ve found tuna to be very versatile in the kitchen. I’ve used it to substitute all kinds of meat. Spaghetti with tuna? Good. Scrambled eggs and tuna? Awesome. Tuna burgers? Incredible. And, it’s the perfect “I’m hungry and I’m too tired/busy/drunk to cook” meal. Just open a can, drain it, throw some Tabasco in there, and voila!
Fuck, mix a can of tuna with a pack of ramen noodles, and you have a full meal for under a dollar!
I’ll have to wait until I’m able to find chorizo to try out your “surprise in a bun”, which as I also stared on my previous reply, made my mouth water.