Well, since as far as I know the only people who read this shit are mexican natives, I don’t know why I’m writing this, but if ever somebody from another country stumbles across this, here’s a tradition that goes on in Mexico. Oh, how I love talking about mexican culture. First, some history.
La Virgen de Guadalupe
As happens often with religion, nobody ever has a clue as to what the truth is. Everybody has their own version of it, and Mexico is no exception. Amongst catholic countries, each one has their own version of the Virgin Mary. Portugal has the Virgin of Fatima, Herzegovina has the Virgin of Medjugorje, and Mexico has the Virgen de Guadalupe.
Supposedly, the Virgin appeared to an indian dude who went by the name of Juan Diego on December 12th. The year escapes me, but really, that’s not what’s important. What’s important is that even though God’s first commandment is “I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an image, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, blah, blah, blah…”, said Virgin is worshipped, I’d dare to say, even more than God himself. So, when December 12th rolls around you know it’s a big deal. People name their kids (girls AND boys) who are born on that day Guadalupe, people go to churches by the millions, to take flowers and pray (some even make the pilgrimage on their knees), and you can see a lot of prehispanic guys dancing around in reverence of their beloved Mother.
Los Reyes Magos
While most of the northern hemisphere bases its christmas traditions (the Christian northern hemisphere, just in case I need to point that out) on a jolly fat fellow who lives way inside the Arctic Circle and flies around on a sleigh pulled by flying deer handing out presents to all the little boys and girls who weren’t assholes all year, tradition in Mexico (and in other countries, I’d assume) has a little more logic into it. Not that ‘logic’ is a word that can be applied to anything of a religious nature, but follow me on this one.
It is said that when Jesus was born, three guys rode across the desert in order to deliver presents to the newborn. From Iran, no less. How cool is that shit? Anyway, the tradition of the Reyes Magos is that on the night of January 5th, kids put out one of their shoes (as opposed to stockings) and go to sleep. The three Wise Men would then drop by and leave a little something for each kid. I certainly would hope it’s not food, because who’d want to eat out of a shoe? Then, much like the rest of the world did the morning of December 25th, kids run to see what they got.
Kids have got it all right, in Mexico, what with the dominance Santa Claus has. So double presents. Neat! Oh, and you also get a decent traditional cake-like thing called a “Rosca”, which has little plastic babies hidden in it. If you get a plastic baby in your slice, and you don’t choke on it, you’re supposed to throw a party on february 2nd. Cannibalistic ritual? Yup! Weird-ass excuses to throw more parties? Yup! Kick ass traditions? Fuckin’ A!
The Guadalupe Reyes Marathon
Now, aren’t you glad you know a little bit more about mexican popular culture? Well, don’t rejoice just yet, because boy, have I got a little something for you! See, while not an “official” tradition, it’s a fun way to spend the holidays. The marathon starts on December 12th (The day of the Virgen de Guadalupe), and ends on January 6th (Dia de Reyes), hence the name.
December is full of parties (the company Christmas party, family gatherings, Christmas dinner, New Year’s Eve, “posadas”, whatever you can think of as an excuse to throw a party. And unless the party is being held in a church or at an AA meeting, alcohol is to be served. By the time January 6th arrives, you are either dead, in a coma or bloated from so much booze. That’s what the official marathon is. And there you were thinking it had to do with athletics. Silly you!
The thing is, amongst drunks (or alcohol enthusiasts, as we prefer to be called), it doesn’t stop there. It is a tradition within our community to get wasted EVERY SINGLE DAY from December 12th to January 6th. Well, you don’t have to get wasted, but if you spend a 24 hour period without alcohol intake, you are immediately disqualified.
THE UNDISPUTED CHAMPION
Far be it from me to want to be considered an alcoholic, but hey, some people have their pilgrimages, others love their christmas decorations, and I love me my marathon. To each his own, is what I say. Now, having said that, I have been the reigning champion for 5 consecutive years, and there is nothing that can get in the way of my sixth straight championship. Consider me the Michael Schumacher of the Guadalupe Reyes Marathon.
Not that my reign has been a flawless one. On a couple of occasions I’ve almost lost the belt. In 2003, fresh out of my heart problem, it didn’t seem like a good idea to compete. But hey, I was depressed, so I had nothing to lose. And last year, it was just a matter of minutes before I was disqualified. See, I flew back to Canada on January 6th, leaving Mexico at 6.30 AM, which is not a good time to pour down a drink. I made it home at 9 PM, just seconds before the liquor store closed for the night. A dramatic finish, but I retained the title by a nose. Sure, I could have shelled out 5 quid for a drink on the plane, but the amount of alcohol you get does not meet the standards of Marathon rules.
It is my duty as champion to issue an open challenge to anyone who thinks they can strip me of my title. And hey, if there’s any challengers out there, a word to the wise: I’m the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be. Yes, I quoted Bret Hart, but even the Hitman himself couldn’t hold a title for 5 years, going on strong. So, sure, you’ll lose to me, but at least you’ll be participating in a mexican tradition!
The Iceberg
