Bus Tales

Let me start this off by asking Greyhound to take a fucking hint from bus lines in Mexico. Sure, mexican bus lines suck, but not as much as you’d expect them to, especially if your only knowledge of public transportation south of the US border is what you see in movies. There’s hardly a chicken or turkey on board, and the buses look a little bit better than that.
In fact, I’ve travelled almost exclusively with Transpais, and although I do have my qualms with them, thay’re far better overall than whatever Greyhound has offered me.
While their selection leaves a lot of ground for improvement, at least you get movies on these buses. I hardly ever watch them, being that they’re movies I’ve already seen, or do not care to see (90% of them are rated G), but at least they keep kids busy. Ha! On my last trip, they played ‘Close Encounters of the Third Kind’. The original one. At first I was like “is that Richard Dreyfuss? It’s been a while since I saw him in a movie! in fact, the last movie i saw with him was Close Enc… well look at that!”. Then I was like “Why the fuck are they showing a movie from 1983?”. Either way, I had my iPod with me, so I didn’t care. I’ve yet to see a Greyhound that plays movies.
The seats on Greyhound buses are rather uncomfortable, kind of like waiting room chairs. You know, the kind you buy at Walmart for 10 dollars. The seats on mexican buses are much more comfortable, recline further back, and if you’re lucky and happen to board a newer bus, have more leg room. That’s one thing I don’t like about some buses here. As soon as the fucker in front of you reclines back in his seat, you’re fucked. You have his scalp 10 inches away from your face. It’s like you’re a fucking hairdresser, and it sucks. But in general, it’s even more comfortable to travel by bus within Mexico, than whatever you get in most commercial airlines.
If you’re lucky, the bus isn’t all sold out and you get both seats for yourself. If you’re unlucky, as I was one time, you get sold a ticket – for the same price, mind you – wherein you have to travel standing up. Hardly a common occurrence, but hey, first come, first serve, and I bought my ticket literally 10 minutes before the bus left, on a Sunday.

Since I’ve been travelling a lot between my hometown (fuckers, I hate you all) and the border, I’m always treated to the joy of checkpoints. Customs from the border down, and a military one from my hometown up.
Mexican Customs has a system in which you press a traffic light thingie. I think I mentioned this somewhere else. If you get a green light, you’re scot-free to travel with all your playstations and your assault weapons and your stolen merchandise. But if you’re one of the unlucky fools to get a red light, well, Human Rights won’t let them perform a cavity search on you, but you just know they’d love to. I’ve gotten a red light 3 out of 4 times. Since I’ve3 nothing to hide, I even help them out. “Well, officer, here I have my computer”, I say pointing to my computer case. “And here, a bunch of dirty laundry”, pointing to whatever bag I have. It’s not like they’re going to detain me over a pair of dirty underwear. I hope.
The military one is more fun. Especially the first time I went through them. I had left my wallet here in the border, by accident. I did my thing down in Ciudad Victoria, and came back the next day. It was until I was buying my return ticket that the realization hit me, and I panicked. I had no fucking ID. Sure enough, the soldier was asking for ID. I kindly excused the fact I had left my wallet at home, and somehow I was fortunate enough that the guy considered the only piece of paper on me as valid ID – my bus ticket. Ha! The second time, I had all my ID on me. They didn’t ask for ID. They only asked if we (the passengers) were carrying alcohol. I wasn’t (only in my bloodstream – ha!) so I returned to my podcast. The third time, they only got on the bus to tell everyone who had luggage in the compartments to get off the bus, as they were searching bags down there. I was only carrying my computer case and a small backpack (which could have been full of cocaine, and they wouldn’t have noticed) with me, so no problems. And this last time, they just asked me where I was from (“Ciudad Victoria”, I replied staring right back at him), where I was going (“Reynosa”, I replied, not letting my guard down, but wanting to say “Duh, can’t you read the front of the bus?”), and where I worked (“in Canada, I’m here on vacation”, still looking straight into his eyes. I had the documentation to prove what I was saying). He went on to ask other passengers. The randomness of their search criteria makes things interesting every time, although I always get nervous that they’ll get me on something, someday. I’m paranoid like that.

I hate travelling by road. I get bored too easily. At least in these times, we have iPods with 40,000 songs, and not the old discman and accompanying cd case with the same old tired songs. Wait, not only do I get bored. I also get claustrophobic, anxious to arrive, and oh god if only there was still a smoking section on the bus. But hey, at least you can fuck around when buying your bus ticket (IF you have other ID…). I was going to put up a picture of my last bus ticket, but I’m currently sans Photoshop and Microsoft Paint is completely useless. In any case, I used the name “Viktor Shevchenko”. Ha!

The Iceberg.

 

He’s Alive!!!

Hey! ‘Sup!

Just  a quickie here, to (finally, on January 14th – 1/24th of the way through the year) wish everyone a happy new year, and to let you know why I’ve been absent.

The AC adapter I use to connect my netbook to the wall fried up on me.

Simple, huh? Try repairing something so simple in this shithole of a town. I just got it back yesterday, a Frankenstein of its former self. But it works, and that’s what I need.
From there, I type away, copy my text file to my iPod Shuffle, which doubles as a USB memory card, and go somewhere with internet access. So, I guess I’ll pop up around here more often. Sorry it’s taken so long (or sorry I’m not dead, if that’s your thing).

The Iceberg. 

 

2009: The Year In Review

First of all, sorry I haven’t updated sooner. My internet access has been less than ideal. I hope everyone had a happy christmas, or whatever you celebrate.
I had considered doing a full-blown “year-in-review” post, which would have taken forever. I also thought about doing a 2009 awards post, but everybody does that, so no. In any case, I just wanted to say good riddance to 2009. Fuck, what a year.

Not everything was bad. There’s a couple of positive aspects I could mention. 2009 was the year I met my soulmate, for starters. How great is that? Perhaps that single event erased everything negative about the year.

Financially, however, this year was brutal. It was a fucking disaster. I remember working 2 days a week throughout the whole summer. Sometimes we’d work 3, 4 days. In fact, there were only a couple of weeks all year where we worked 5 days. The word “overtime” was nothing but a sweet memory. I couldn’t come down to Mexico in the summer, there were a couple of instances in which I could barely pay my rent, and most benefits at work went to the shitter. I couldn’t afford to go to the dentist, for example.

When it comes to my family and friends, I can’t remember a year in which I was more distant from (most of) them. Not because of my choosing to do so. I think I spoke to my dad twice this year. My daughter? Maybe 4 times. I’ve seen people block me from Messenger and/or Facebook. I did the same to a few people I wouldn’t call “friends” that just took up space.
Speaking of people I hang out with, 2009 will go down in history as the year I’ve been harrassed the most in regards to cutting my hair. Relax, people, I’ll be cutting it soon.

As far as health goes, I guess I’m ok. My biggest problem has been, as usual, dealing with the occasional toothache. And, as I said before, I couldn’t afford to go to the dentist. At least I could afford Advil. I always joke that I have so much alcohol in my blood that my body is a sterile environment where germs and virus (virii?) can’t thrive, but I become more convinced with each year I don’t get sick.

And how did my sports teams do this year? I can’t complain about my mexican soccer team, they did great despite choking in the playoffs. They were undefeated for 12 weeks, and I’d dare to say that’s a first for them. In hockey, I don’t even have a favorite team anymore. I just root for the canadian teams, the Red Wings and the Islanders (because I want their jersey). There was talk about moving the Phoenix Coyotes up to Hamilton, a mere 1.5 hours away from Guelph, but that fell through faster than my career as the drummer in mi nephew’s Rock Band game. I fucking suck at that. In Major League Baseball, my Yankees won the World Series. And in NFL, the Eagles aren’t doing too bad. Funny thing about the Eagles, I haven’t found their jersey anywhere in Canada, Mexico or the US. Of course, I haven’t been to Philadelphia.

In celebrity death news, I can’t come up with a single one that died this year that I give a shit about. No, not even Michael Jackson. The closest would be WWE Superstar Umaga. People die every day, get over it. I mean, I understand the impact of somebody famous dying, if their work really means something to you. I’d throw a fit if somebody from Anthrax died, but seriously, sad as death is, who was seriously impacted by the news that there will never be another Brittany Murphy movie?

There were a few companies I’d like to mention whose products and/or services were really good to me, or just plain awful. Of course, had I gone the awards way, the award for the shittiest company I dealt with would have gone, for the fourth year in a row, to Bell Canada. Other contenders: Rogers Wireless, Service Canada (OK, OK, not a company, but fuck it), Airport Authorities in Toronto and Mexico City, and I’d throw Facebook in there, if only for allowing the proliferation of so many shitty apps (thus allowing the collective IQ of the human species to drop a couple dozen points). Oh, and one more, even though I only dealt with them once, but seriously… REALLY? The McAllen, TX public transit system.
On the other hand, companies which I found enjoyable/useful were the Lakeport Brewing Company, Skype, Sirius XM, AeroMexico, whoever owns the 7Eleven capuccino machines, and every show, album and podcast I enjoyed throughout the year.

One of my favorite categories: music. There were quite a few good albums released this year. Slayer, Alice In Chains, Behemoth and Rammstein came out with good stuff. Pearl Jam, well, meh. There was also a ton of music which may or may not have been released this year, but I discovered in 2009, so for me it counts. For half of the year I was glued to Sirius 21 and 28.

2009 was the year I created a million projects in my mind and barely brought a couple to fruition. The excess free time and the lack of funding made it hard to do everything I wanted. But it’s all up in the air, still. Fuck, I’ll ruin a surprise right now. There’s the possibility of myself (and hopefully someone else) doing a podcast. I’m still trying to figure out how to hook up two microphones into my computer.

Unless I’m missing something, I guess that’s it for now. That was 2009 for me. How was it for you? And in case it becomes impossible for me to do so at a later date, I’d like to wish everyone who made it through 2009 a Happy New Year. Can’t get much worse, huh?

Good Riddance, 2009!

The Iceberg

 

The Long Way Home

Yes, it’s that time of the year: when everything is covered in red and green, when every other commercial has a christmas jingle in the background, when I talk about going back home for the holidays – only this time, it has a twist. I’m not going back for only a couple of weeks.
So, in case you were wondering why the fuck I hadn’t updated earlier (and we all know nobody was wondering anything related to this blog), here’s a quick and easy answer: I’ve been crazy busy dealing with preparations, and on top of that, trying (unsuccessfully at times) to handle my emotions.

At the same time I have to make travel preparations, a hell of a task in and of itself, I also have to move out of my apartment. So I’ve been busy packing, moving, trying to make sense of it all.
As it stands, I have my plane ticket already. For the first time, I’m not touching ground in the USA. As luck would have it, it cost exactly the same to fly with AeroMexico than with American Airlines. Rather than risk flight delays because AA flies out of Toronto in these little planes, rather than deal with US Customs, and rather than being SOLD fucking food and drinks on the plane, I’ll be leaving on a 737, I’ll have to deal with Mexican customs, and I’ll probably have a beer or two on my flight (despite it being early morning – just because I can!).
I’ll be landing in Mexico City, the hellhole I spawned from (at least I know I won’t be mugged inside the airport), and connecting to Monterrey. From there, a 3 or 4 hour bus ride, and finally, home.

It’s kind of an emotional hassle for me, the whole moving out of here is. Putting all my stuff in boxes, throwing perfectly good stuff away because I don’t want to overburden my sister, who’ll be keeping my stuff, and well, just basically leaving the only place I’ve been in in the last 18 years for more than 24 months. I’ve yet a lot to do (I shouldn’t even be blogging right now), and the big move will take place over the weekend.

On the other hand, I’m very excited about everything that’s going to happen. I can hardly wait to get off that bus. It’s too bad nobody (well, almost nobody) understands or supports my decisions. Oh well.

So, um, yeah! In a few days I’ll be walking through Mexican Customs with a couple of morning beers in my belly. That’ll be fun. As I look at the things I’ve yet to pack, I realize I’m taking too much shit with me. I still have to go through another selection process, it seems. I’d best be on my way. I’ll keep you posted.

The Iceberg

 

On Purchasing a Netbook

So, I did it.

I am now the owner (I’ve yet to determine if that’s “proud owner”) of an Acer Aspire One Netbook. Since the internet wasn’t of much help, I did somewhat of a field investigation, and finally ended up at Future Shop (not only did they have the greater variety, and better prices, but I was inclined to buy here, since I also counted on a $100 Gift Card).
Still, I spent about 20 seconds in The Source by Circuit City looking at prices that didn’t drop below $450, and I didn’t even stop walking when I went through the selection of netbooks at Staples. They only had 3 models, and all three, also in the $400 and up category.
I walked into Future Shop, and went immediately to the section where I had once seen prices of $249. Alas, they had jacked up their prices, not only on netbooks, but on EVERYTHING. I stared at their models for a while, seeing the Acer Aspire ones in 4 different colors, a couple HPs, and some brand I’m not familiar with (MSi, or something). Further to the right, there were more expensive models. It’s not that I’m cheap, but my current situation begged for not spending a whole lot. In fact, I shouldn’t even be spending on this, but fuck it, I’ll need it.
There was a salesman dealing with some customer, and in the next aisle, 4 more salesmen were dicking around. Yet nobody bothered to come over. My mind was made up, anyway. I was taking the Acer. Finally, 10 minutes later, some chubby sales guy looked over, and I gave him a head signal, indicating I required assistance. Almost begrudgingly, the fucking guy came over. I said “I want this one. In black.”
He started asking all these questions which felt kind of invasive at first, but I guess he meant well. “What are you using this computer for?”, he asked. “Computer stuff”, I replied, as I thought what the fuck does he care?. “What kind of computer stuff?”, He asked again.
“Well fuck, using it, I guess…”, I told him, not knowing how to describe the term computer stuff to better detail. He kind of noticed I was getting upset at this point. “Surfing the web”, was my final statement.
They had four colours on display: black, blue, red and white. Who the fuck buys a red laptop? Anyway, lardass here informs me they are currently out of the black model. “GREAT!”, I think. “I have to choose from red, white and blue!”. I tell him to just give me the blue one.
I’m quite computer-literate, so it didn’t really bother me, but I did note a lack of interest from this guy to explain technical specifications. He basically rang me up and I was on my way. I walked out of there not even knowing if I’d have to charge the battery for a few hours – not that it bothered me, since I was going to plug it in anyway.

I got home, opened the box and started setting it up. Soon after, I installed Messenger and Skype on it, since I’d be needing them in a short while. I also installed my browser of choice, FireFox, and of course, iTunes. I used its built-in WiFi capabilities to hook up to my neighbors’ internet connection. I was one happy lad, I’ll tell you.
Then, bedtime came, and I noticed my first (and so far, only) problem:

My iPhone has been acting weird lately. Somehow, I lost the scrolling bar (to move back and forth within an audio file), so I have to either stay awake for the duration of my podcasts, or listen to them elsewhere. “Ha!”, I thought. “I’ll just listen to my podcast through iTunes on my netbook!”. Well, no dice.
For whatever reason, my netbook won’t access the files on my iPhone. My other iPods work fine, it’s just the stupid iPhone.

I’ve yet to install the rest of the software I need, but I hope my little netbook can handle audio-editing software, Photoshop, and a few other items.
And, I hope I can access the files on my external disks. In fact, I’m going to go check that out right now. But, yeah, I have a cutesy little computer!

The Iceberg.

 

 

Researching Netbooks On The Internet Is Harder Than I Thought!

The internet is wonderful for oh so many reasons. If you want porn, you’re covered. If you want to read forums or threads where everybody acts like a douchebag, you’re all set. Fuck, if you want LOLcats, FAIL images and facebook disasters, they’re only a click away.
You know what the internet isn’t good for? Useful shit. Researching stuff.

See, Suddenly, I found out I was in dire need of a netbook. My laptop went the way of the dodo a while ago, and it’s a technical impossibility to drag along my desktop computer as I shove myself on a Mexico-bound airplane. If you know me as well as you think you do, you’ll find out I’m worthless without a computer. Well, no, but in a way yes. Who isn’t?

My knowledge about netbooks is limited to the time I was fucking around Future Shop and stumbled upon these cute mini-laptop thingies. “They’re so small!”, I thought, and moved my ass over to the DVR section. And the flatscreen TVs.
Funny, how one day you’re promising yourself a flatscreen TV for your birthday, and the next day your whole life changes and you find yourself with, um, other priorities.

Anyway, if I’m going to go and buy a netbook, I might as well do it tomorrow morning, because the next paycheck is being handed over to my sister, to cover my plane ticket, and the last paycheck is whatever I’m taking to Mexico – not much, I know, but it’ll have to do. It was a rough year, economically speaking.

It suddenly popped into my mind that before going to Future Shop with a mind set on purchasing from them, I could look through the internet to see if I could find a better deal. Who would win this battle for my cash? I entered, either through google or the name of the company, followed by a .ca, a variety of websites. This here is what I found:

FUTURE SHOP
Pretty much the same deal I had seen live… except, when I bought my Hellion (oops! that’s my external 1TB hard drive), it was advertised at $129, and I paid $149. Fuckers!

STAPLES
While I found decent prices, every single item I was interested in was apparently “out of stock”. So fuck them.

WALMART
It suddenly popped into my head theat Walmart loves to boast about their low prices, so I went and paid their website a visit. Every link I clicked on was an invitation to visit my nearest store to see availability and pricing. WELL THANKS!!! I didn’t need the internet for that, lowlives!

ZELLERS
Oh, this was a treat. Zellers is the Canadian version of Walmart. Of course, their home page didn’t offer any links to what the fuck they sell, except for an opportunity to win shit, and a special offer to buy these ugly red mittens to support the Canadian Olympic team.

THE SOURCE
These fucking assholes… I’ve done business with them. Before visiting their website, I knew… I KNEW their prices would be fucked up. “Yeah, uhh… guys? That netbook you’re selling for $649? The same one is going for $299 at Future Shop!”.

FINALLY, FUCKING GOOGLE
Nothing reeks more of desperation than typing “GUELPH NETBOOKS” on Google. And, of course, the few links I clicked on my search results were all spam crap. One of them even, despite me having searched for FUCKING GUELPH, offered me netbooks for 500… IN FUCKING MONTREAL!

So, um, thanks, internet! I guess I’ll walk tomorrow, in the 90% POP, towards the Future Shop. I fuck as fuck hope their online prices match whatever I find. And “fuck as fuck” wasn’t a typo. I’ll let you know if I made my purchase. See, it’s not just the price. It’s price vs. usability. I can’t remember which one of the assholes I visited offered a netbook with an 8 GB disk drive, for more than what Future Shop offers a 160 GB one.
Also, among the questions I need to ask the salesperson is “so, umm… if I just throw it in my backpack between a 12-pack of beer and 15 thousand other gadgets, will it break?”.

The Iceberg.

 

People in planes

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I’m somewhat of a daydreamer. I let my mind wander off to wherever it wants to go. Why not? I’d hate to be one of those boring people that spend the day concentrating on the same shit day in and day out.
I like daydreaming about myself, obviously, and lately my daydreams have become better. But there are instances where my mind just seems to drift off into another set of thoughts. When I’m in line at the supermarket, I’m not thinking about work, or how much time I have left before something important happens – no, I’m more than likely watching what the person in front of me is purchasing, and in my own mind, judging said people for said purchases. Not because I’m judgmental, but because it’ fun.

Today, a short while ago I went out for a smoke, like I usually do a few times a day. I sat down on the single step that separates my entrance from my little sidewalk, and as I was thinking about, of all things, grocery shopping, my mind wandered off somewhere else. I looked up, and saw an airplane.
Now, I see airplanes every day, and the things my mind started thinking are by no means new to me. I’ve thought about these things since I can remember. My grandmother lives right below one of the landing routes at Mexico City’s Benito Juarez Int’l Airport. Between thinking about planes and reading my grandmother’s collection of National Geographic magazines (which as far as I can remember dates back to the ’60s), I kept myself busy while the upstairs TV was occupied by my sisters watching cartoons and the downstairs one was tuned in to whatever my grandmother wanted to watch – and alas, the record player was broken.

Anyway, as I puffed away, I started thinking about the people inside the plane I was looking at. Where are they going? Why are they going there? What is the nature of their trip? Business? Pleasure? A family event? When are they coming back? Is anyone inside that plane afraid to fly? Is the person in seat 6A an asshole, or is he/she cool? Does anyone on that plane care that if they look down at the Earth right now, they can see Guelph? Fuck, is anybody on board actually FROM Guelph?

In just a few weeks, it’ll be me on a plane. I wonder if, as I fly over Memphis, or Louisville, or whatever route my flight decides to take, there’ll be somebody down there stepping out for a smoke, looking up, and wondering where I’m going, the nature of my trip, or if I’m an asshole (I haven’t bought my ticket yet, but I hope I get seat 6A).

The Iceberg.

 

Movie Review: 2012

I finally left the house!

Yup! Today (friday), my sister, my brother in law and myself went to the movie theatre with the intention of watching 2012, a movie I had wanted to see for a long, long time. I paid my $9.99, and because the pizza pockets I ate earlier apparently weren’t enough, I got a large order of NY Fries and a large Root Beer. By the time the previews came on, I had put away all my fries. I’m such a glutton, like that.

Now, I know, and by now I expect this kind of movie to end up all cheesy, but fuck the storyline. I wanted me some special effects. I’m a huge sucker for special effects. Also, I’m a huge sucker for world destruction. So, in a way, this movie was made for me.
I guess you could say I’m quite the fan of director Roland Emmerich, not for his ability to bring out a great story, but because he pushes his SFX department to do their best (Independence Day, The Day After Tomorrow, even 10,000 B.C.).
I was puzzled by the choice of the main character. This is supposed to be an action/disaster movie, not a romantic chick flick nor some 80’s coming-of-age movie, so when I finally saw the trailer and was met with John Cusack, I had my doubts. JOHN FUCKING CUSACK! What were they thinking? Fuck, put Keanu in there! or Keanu, Jr. (whatshisface from the Mac commercials). In any case, having seen the movie, I guess Cusack was alright. It just seemed an odd choice. No hate for the C-man.
Also, the president of the USA is portrayed by Danny Glover (who doesn’t say “I’m too old for this shit” in this movie), which reminded me of some post I saw a while back about how in every movie where there is a black president, everything ends up destroyed. Well, Mr. Obama will still be president in 2012, so we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?
And, my man Woody Harrelson plays the bit of some ham-radio yahoo. As for the rest of the cast, there’s a few “oh, I’ve seen that guy somewhere”, and a whole bunch of unknowns.

The movie, as you probably know by now, is based on the idea that the mayans predicted the world will end on December 21st, 2012. That, in itself, is a bunch of bullshit, but let’s go with it. I could give a lecture about the mayan calendar, but that’s not why we’re here.
So, a gigantic solar flare heats up the inside of the Earth, and the SFX team is working overtime. Everything is exploding, buildings are falling, huge gaping holes appear on the ground, and I’m having the time of my life! At this point, I’m thinking “I want to watch this movie EVERY DAY!”
Then, of course, the USA have come up with a plan to save humanity. Who’d you expect? Peru? And that takes up the second half of the movie. It becomes your standard USA! USA! flick where the military and government are evil, and a bunch of standard action sequences we’ve seen in many a movie before.

I’ll spare you the details, so as to not spoil the movie for you, but I have three awesome things to say about the movie.
First of all, this is a disaster movie that doesn’t take place in New York. What a relief that was!
Second, not to offend any catholics, and believe me, it’s not a spoiler, you can see it in the trailer, I loved watching catholic landmarks destroyed. First, the Cristo de Corcovado (that giant Jesus statue that watches over Rio de Janeiro), and then the Vatican (first, the Sistine Chapel, and then St. Peter’s Basilica crushing the crowd that had gathered to pray – Pope included!).
Third, on a more personal note: I might (or might not) have mentioned ’round here that one of my recurring dreams since I was a kid is of myself flying in an airplane, looking out the window and seeing the whole world destroyed. There were a few scenes like that, and they creeped me the fuck out. In a cool way.

Oh, and before I forget… this might come out as a blooper or a movie mistake down the road, but I saw it as I watched the movie. In one of the news broadcasts, they mention the 2012 London Olympics have been canceled. This is supposed to be December. The 2012 Olympics would have already taken place, in the summer. Duh!

So, all in all, was it a good movie? It depends. I’m assuming starting tomorrow the internet will launch a campaign saying it sucks (the internet also thought Napoleon Dynamite was good, so there’s your mob mentality). If you’re into special effects, world destruction, John Cusack, or are just looking to kill a good two and a half hours (!), go for it. If you’re into watching landmarks be destroyed in “creative” ways (I loved the battleship crushing the White House – also in the trailer!), go for it. If you want good acting, a beautiful plot and a gorgeous Mediterranean scenery, I’d suggest Vicky Cristina Barcelona.
In any case, as always, here’s the trailer, for however long YouTube lets me link to it:

The Iceberg.

 

Attack of the Spelling Nazi!

I have a confession to make. I am a spelling nazi, as well as a grammar nazi. However, depending on the circumstances, I can be either “quite forgiving”, or a full blown “Josef Mengele”. I mean, we all make typos every now and then. We all encounter people for whom English (or Spanish) is not their first language. I talk to my nephew and nieces on Messenger. I can’t expect 100% proper spelling and grammar in these situations.

But at work? Coming from a canadian?

So, the other day I walked into the Receiving office at work. Somebody had decided to make some changes to our receiving procedure, one of which was to not use the laminated sheets directly. Nobody told me this, I found out by reading the notice they left on the receiving form container:

My head nearly exploded. I had never before in my life seen the word wright used to describe the action of applying pen to paper. In fact, other than the brothers Orville and Wilbur’s last name, and a few instances related to apprenticeships (Become a millwright!), I had never seen that word. It looked so out of context, I had to do something.
But what to do? The perpetrator of said error had already gone home for the day, so slapping someone silly was out of the question.
I settled for the next best thing. I left a little note for them to see the next day:

Surely, more than one person would notice, and thus the culprit would be shamed. Alas, I wouldn’t be able to witness the events.
When I came in the next day, nobody said anything. My little note was gone. And to this day, the original sign stands.
In any case, it makes me laugh that it takes a mexican to point out spelling errors to native canadians.

The Iceberg.

 

Foodstuffs #7: Michelada!

You thought BUD LIME was a cool innovation in the beer world? Ha! Have I got a treat for you! I know I should have posted this in the summer, back when it was warm. But I didn’t, sorry!

Anyhoo, this is a pretty common drink in Mexico, but I know people elsewhere are going to freak out as they read along. Just for them, I’ll share an anecdote at the end. Because if there’s something I like more than micheladas, it’s freaking people out. Shall we meet the gang?

From left to right: a lime, Maggi seasoning, Worcestershire (Woostashah!) sauce, Grace’s Hot Pepper Sauce, Tajín, a pint glass; bottom: a plate.
In the real world, you can substitute Grace’s Sauce for Tabasco, and Tajín for regular salt. Tajín is basically salt and chili powder seasoning.

So, the first thing we’re gonna do is pour some Tajín (or regular salt) into the plate. That’ll end both of their participations in our little “experiment”.

Now, rub one of the lime halves along the top of the pint glass until it’s wet, dip the rim of the glass into the plate (a process known commonly as “frosting” the glass), and squeeze the lime (feel free to use more than one, if like me, you end up with really shitty limes).

Now begins the matter of personal taste. Add splashes, to taste, of the other three ingredients. In my case, I add a lot of Worcestershire, and of course a lot of Hot sauce. The result looks, in a way, evil. But worry not. The best is yet to come.

Now,  every time I do the “meet the gang” photo up top, I end up forgetting an ingredient or two. This time, however, the main ingredient missed the photo because it was chilling in the freezer. Oh, who am I kidding, I could have taken it out, taken the picture, and placed it back. I forgot. There, happy?
In any case, top the glass with your favorite beer (or the one you buy because it’s cheap, as I do), and enjoy.

THE ANECDOTE
If this “michelada” thing grossed you out, stop reading immediately. You have been warned.
One time, I went to a bar back home where the special is a michelada filled with either shrimp or oysters. I ordered shrimp because oysters are disgusting, and it actually tasted great! So, if you feel extra daring, go grab a handful of dried shrimp and throw’em in!

The Iceberg